


Our Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real

by acindra



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 09:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11273130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acindra/pseuds/acindra
Summary: Jeremy tells Michael about the squip's abuse





	Our Scars Remind Us That The Past Is Real

**Author's Note:**

> A combination of the prompts from "I'm livin this update" (address the squip's manipulation) and an anon (leave a message after the beep)

_Jeremy Heere, here. Who are you? Let me know after the beep!_

The phone beeped.

“Hey Jeremy.” Michael looked down and smiled. “You’re asleep with your head on my lap right now. And you look really cute. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. Well. Not all that I want to talk to you about.” 

He pet Jeremy’s hair as he thought about what he wanted to say. “I’m worried about you, Jeremy. You don’t sleep unless you’re dying and when you do you toss and turn and cry out in your sleep. I don’t know what you’re dreaming about, you won’t tell me- and that’s totally ok, I get it- but I wish I could help you fight whatever demons are haunting you. It’s been two months since you got out of the hospital and you look worse off than when you were in it. I thought getting rid of the squip would make everything ok again, but…” 

He sighed. “Well anyways, I just want you to know that I love you and am concerned. I’m always here if you need to talk, alright?” 

He hung up the phone and stared at the troubled look on Jeremy’s sleeping face. “I wish you would talk to me,” he whispered.

-

_Hey! Since you’re hearing this, I’m probably off fighting the zombie apocalypse. Please leave a message after the beep and I’ll get back to you._

“Damnit. I told myself I’d tell you what was going on with me if you didn’t pick up- because you _always_ pick up.” 

He sighed. “Of all the times you choose to not answer your phone, Michael, and it had to be this one?” 

He picked at the hem of his shirt. “So the squip was… awful. Like. Looking back on it is really… I don’t know. It helped me, yeah, but it would do things like electrocute me when I went against its wishes. And it controlled my body sometimes. And it would… it would tell me I was terrible and then it told me I had to believe it so I could improve myself.”

He swallowed, his throat a little hoarse. “It made want to die to even think about being myself. Sometimes I still hear the little voice in my head telling me I should believe it. And it’s horrible. Because I know that little voice isn’t some stupid fucking computer- it’s me.” 

He sniffled a little, eyes brimming with tears. “It’s worse when I sleep. A lot of the time I surrounded by people telling me everything about me sucks or they’re just laughing at me or- or… I’m sorry.” He hung up and buried his face in his knees, breathing heavy. 

He wished he hadn’t called.

-

The door to Jeremy’s room slammed open.

Jeremy looked up from his computer, startled. “Jesus, Mic-”

Michael walked up to him and hugged him as tightly as he could, effectively silencing him.

Jeremy returned the hug a few seconds later, just as fierce.

“You are the most wonderful person I have ever known.” Michael told him, earnestly.

Jeremy shook his head. “But I-”

Michael interrupted him. “You’ve got flaws, but that just makes you human. Jeremy it- it abused you. No wonder you can’t sleep, you probably have PTSD or something.”

“That’s a little extreme, don’t you think?”

“No. No I don’t. You said it _electrocuted_ you.”

“Only a little.”

Michael pulled away to give Jeremy a disbelieving look. “Even once is _too much._ ”

“I’m sorry.” Jeremy apologized, looking away.

“Why are you apologizing for what it did to you?”

“Because I still listened to it! I did horrible things- to you and everyone else! I hurt you. I really am a terrible person. I don’t- I don’t want to be me, Michael.”

“You can’t change the past. You did what you did, and you’re right, it was terrible. But you realize that, now. You should spend your time making it right instead of hating yourself for what you did, because you can’t change that you did it but you can change what you’re going to do about it.”

Jeremy nodded. “How… how do I stop hating everything about me?”

Michael pulled Jeremy out of his chair and onto one of his beanbags, sitting on the other one. “I’m here. I love and care about you. I’ll listen to what you hate about you and tell you why I love it. Do you think that’ll work?”

Jeremy shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this fic, please check out the other 30 BMC fics I've written!
> 
> I'm sorry it's so short, I'm terrible at writing angst and h/c.
> 
> Feel free to hit me up on tumblr ([ acindra ](http://acindra.tumblr.com))- I also made a crocheted doll of [ Michael! ](http://acindra.tumblr.com/post/161391774925)
> 
> [ Bonus George Salazar and Michael!Doll pic ](https://twitter.com/georgesalazar/status/880209460962185216)


End file.
